## Choosing Forgiveness

## Ephesians 4:32

(Ephesians 4:32) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Why Should We Forgive?

In the parable of the unforgiving servant, Jesus gives three illustrations, three reasons why we ought to forgive. He says I need to learn to forgive other people when they hurt us...

I. Because God Has Forgiven Me

(Colossians 3:13) Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

A. I have been forgiven so I need to learn how to forgive others.

B. When I remember how much God has forgiven me, it causes me to want to be a more forgiving to other people.

C. If I realize that every moment of my day I'm living in the light of God's love and grace.

D. And that He has wiped the slate clean on me because of Jesus Christ.

E. When I remember that He has forgiven me, it makes me want to be forgiving.

F. We will never have to forgive anybody more than God has already forgiven us!

II. Because Bitterness Destroys

(Hebrews 12:14-15) Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

A. Bitterness and resentment is very self destructive.

B. It always hurts us more than anybody else.

C. I remember one time watching "The Three Stooges". Mo kept hitting Curly on the chest. Curly says, "I'm going to get even with that guy. I'm going to stop him!" So he takes a stick of dynamite and straps it to his chest and says, "Next time he slaps me, it's going to blow his hand off!!"

D. That is how it is when we become filled with bitterness and resentment…we do harm to ourselves.

E. Consider the example of Joseph.

1. God uses the last 12 or so chapters of Genesis to tell his story.

2. He is hated by his brothers, thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, falsely accused, thrown in prison, forgotten about, and lied to.

3. If anyone had a right to be bitter it was him, but he illustrates the importance of forgiveness.

(Genesis 50:19-20) And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

4. Did you catch what he said? 'Am I in the place of God?'

5. When we have an unforgiving spirit toward another, we put ourselves in God's place seeking to bring vengeance upon the offender.

(Romans 12:19) Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

6. We need to forgive, because bitterness and resentment will destroy us!

III. Because I Need Forgiveness

(Matthew 6:15) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

A. Forgiveness is a two way street.

B. If you are unwilling to forgive other people, then it will affect our relationship with God.

C. We will reap what sow!

D. If we are forgiving, we will be forgiven, but if we are unforgiving, don't expect forgiveness from anybody else.

E. There are a lot of misconceptions about forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense.

a. It's not saying "It's no big deal!" It was a big deal.

b. Forgiveness is not saying, "It didn't hurt!" It did hurt us.

c. Forgiveness is not saying, "It was a small thing!" It was a big thing and that's why we need to forgive it.

d. There's a difference between forgiveness and acceptance.

e. We're going to be hurt in life a lot of times unintentionally. But forgiveness is reserved for the intentional hurts.

f. There's a difference between being wounded and being wronged. Wronged is intentional.

g. Forgiveness should be reserved for the intentional hurts of life when people intentionally wrong us.

h. When we minimize a wrong, we cheapen forgiveness.

2. Forgiveness is not the instant restoration of trust.

a. A lot of people misunderstand this.

b. Forgiveness is instant, but trust must be rebuilt over a period of time.

c. When someone has betrayed us, we don't instantly trust them again.

d. They have to prove trustworthy. If somebody has hurt you over and over and over, repeatedly and intentionally, the Bible does say we're obligated to forgive them, but we are not obligated to instantly trust them.

e. Some people think, "If I forgive this abusive spouse, then I have to let him back in the house." No, not necessarily.

f. Forgiveness means I'm going to let go of the hurt, but they have to do some things in order to rebuild the trust.

g. Forgiveness is what we do; rebuild trust is what they must do.

3. Forgiveness is not resuming the relationship without any changes.

a. A lot of people worry about this too.

b. They think, "If I forgive somebody, then I have to accept them back just the way they are and let them continue to hurt me."

c. No, forgiveness is not the same as a reunion of a relationship.

d. Forgiveness is what we do if we're offended.

e. But if the relationship is going to be restored, the offender has to do three things:

1) repentance

2) restitution where possible

3) rebuilding of trust over a period of time

How Do We Forgive?

I. Recognize We're All Imperfect

(Ecclesiastes 7:20) For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not.

A. When someone hurts us, we tend to forget that they are a human being too.

B. Of course the Bible reminds us that we are all sinners.

C. We're all capable of hurting others.

D. Every one of us has intentionally wronged other people in our lives.

E. Perhaps not to the same degree and not in the same way, but we have all been guilty of sinning against another.

F. When we are hurt, and need to forgive, we need to remember that we are all sinners.

G. None of us are perfect!

II. Relinquish Our Rights

(Romans 12:19) Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

A. This is the heart of forgiveness.

B. This is what forgiveness is all about.

C. The second step in forgiveness is when I say, "I give up my right to get even with you.

D. You deserve to be hurt back but I'm not going to do it

E. You deserve to be retaliated against, but I'm not going to do it.

F. You deserve to be punished, and I deserve to get even, but I'm going to give up that right.

G. How often must we do that? As often as the hurt memory comes back.

H. Forgiveness is not a one time shot where you say, "You're forgiven" and you never think about it again.

I. Forgiveness is a decision that we make; it is our choice:

1. I will not bring it up to you again.

2. I will not bring it up to others.

3. I will not dwell on it in my mind.

J. Remember, Jesus told Peter, seventy times seven! We must keep on making the choice to forgive!

III. Respond to the Evil with Good

(Luke 6:27-28) But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

A. There's no way we can do this on our own.

B. We don't have enough love and forgiveness in our life from the human standpoint to continually forgive everybody who's hurt us.

C. The only way we can do it is through the power of Jesus Christ in our life.

D. He fills us with His love, His peace, and His forgiveness and that is the only way we can respond to evil with good.

(1 Corinthians 13:5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

E. When we are filled with His love, we will not keep a record of wrongs…but we will respond to evil with good.

IV. Refocus on God's Plan

(Romans 8:28) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

A. Instead of focusing upon the offense, we must look at the big picture.

B. We look at the event and put things in perspective

C. God said, "All things…"

D. This is what Joseph was saying in the verse we looked at earlier.

(Genesis 50:20) But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

E. As long as we continue to focus on that person who has hurt us they control us.

F. It's a law of life that we will become like whatever we focus on whether good or bad.

G. Forgive and Refocus upon God's plan for our lives.